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my daughter and i


Recently I put my daughter in a new school. While retuning home the six year old said suddenly, "when I grow up I'll be having some more freedom, isn't it"

Fredom? I was puzzled. It had never occurred to me that there was any lack of freedom in her world. She had almost everything she needed or desired. And there were very few things I ever said no to or denied to her simply respecting her as a human - being........... free and beautiful ...........whichever way she was. I said what freedom? She said "well it's a big school and I am a big girl now so after school may be you wouldn't say anything if I go out with my friends have some fun and then get back home."and added, "of course when I grow up a little."

I remember mumbling something trying to sound wise and reasonable about why parents need to be protective about the child etc. etc. all of which she listened with patience and almost with a sympathetic acceptance. She did not mention the topic again but it came haunting to me again and again.

I don't remember myself being so discrete about the subject. I often came closest to freedom when I was on an intellectual discussion on it and whatever little freedom I was handed over by my parents, in-laws, society, I savoured it with much gratitude until of course Osho came into my life and gave me a new meaning of freedom with a realisation that you can not give freedom to any-one. Every-one is free. The best you can do is that you can stop putting the burden of expectations on others and keep yourself free from the bondage (which of course needs more elaboration and about which I shall talk in some other post.)

I love myself being a woman but you know when it comes to matters of freedom and almost all situations in life being saddled by double standards in a gender torn society I have often felt I must admit with honesty that it is a curse to be a woman., though when I come out of this phase I once again start celebrating and enjoying my womanhood.

Coming back to my daughter I wish her all the freedom in the world so that she can be herself without compromising with her own truths..............but of course as a mother my responsibility grows to see that she really grows in the true sense of the word to understand the meaning of freedom and its implications and also that my own attachments to my child make me feel a little insecure as I prepare my little bird for an unknown flight into the sky.

Comments

Niharika B said…
hey!
i noticed u left a comment on my blog...thanx...and u can be rest assured that the info i had given was absolutely true...no pranks here!
i like ur blog...but i gess i need to mature more and grow older in order to comment on what u've written.do subscribe to my reader for more of my posts.
Gene said…
wow.. you sound like my mum, in a good way as whenever i have any doubts or questions in life, my mum is the one i seek.

Thanks for visiting and supporting my blog, i will to yours =)
S.Ghosh said…
may be thats why parents are physical entity of divinity....

graet work and true illustrations
Jackie said…
Thanks for posting on my site - by the way, you write beautifully. The torment faced by women is unbearable, and while we as a female society would like to blame men, unfortunately, it is society as a whole that is to blame! Great posting... I think I will add it to fav sites.

Jackie
akaash said…
freedom! [:)]

have you tasted the raindrops ever? ..closing your eyes and spreading your hands, in a desolate forest -- where no one lives except you and Solitude and the quiet rustling of the trees, ...that of the dried leaves on the ground (that whirl up everytime wind blows!) -- ..the sounds of the drops being the only thing you can hear, your mind all empty, your heart frozen with the nostalgia of the ever-escaping Present?

[:)]
freedom!



liked your blog. i am thankful to the lovely lady, after whose comment i am posting mine, for your blog-address. wl try to visit this place often. cheers.
akaash said…
i stopped reading almost four years ago. i try to read a lot. but each time i sit down to turn the pages, i fail. i don't know why, it does feel a bit uneasy to go on reading the same things over and over again. the name of the writer changes and the subjects change from one book to another. nothing else does. at least to me.

i wont answer your question. (hope you don't mind! [:)]) instead i would urge you to stay in touch, if possible. i love meeting new people. and further there's another reason why i say this. i'll tell you. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? I WONDER YOU DO. that's why. i would just want to know why...

tk cr.
This is a beautiful post. Thank you, your little girl is lucky to have you as her mom.
hi, thanx for visiting my blog. I really like your beautifully-designed blog and your focus on issues concerning women without being a men-hater. I, too, believe in this kind of positive feminism. As for freedom, as the poet said, freedom can be felt only in its absence...but I am sure your daughter will grow up to thank you for bequeathing her your liberal views.
luckysanjana said…
Osho is right as in everyone is free. Often than not women are the undoing of women themselves. all of us want to keep the equilibrium. so most of us prefer to bow down to injustice to keep a martyr face. Though not all it would be irrational Jyothsana to genearlise but that said when one women in a thousand has the courage to stand up for what she believes in you will actually not find men trying to pull her down it will be other women. that is the sad part. yes we live in a male oriented society but times have changed. educated women still prefer to accept atrocities because they still fear society.

Ive always believed that yes society you live in but truly what does society do for you??? does it help you when you are down?? does it help you when you have problems ???

No society is always good at finding fault. See its easier to point your finger at someone besides if the person being pointed out to gives it importance then why the hell not.

Id like to know where society is when the husbands hit their wifes
where is it when mils burn dils
where is it when women are treated like whores
where is it when a baby is being molested

Society turns an eye when it comes to taking responsibility so I say give a damn to society.

Live your life with your values. If you give your daughter good values which im sure you do Jyotsana youll do just fine. and im so glad you baby has a mind. Please please dont ask her to succumb. i think thats the biggest mistake we woman make. right from the start we teach them how to succumb and in the Indian society right from day one we teach them to be coy and behave like girls

i wish we would first think of ourselves as human beings and then as women and men . women and men should compliment each other. I grew up in a house where the ratio of women to men was 3 :1 and for some reason my mom treated my dad like a KIng, well he was a good man he never tried to clip our wings. anyways since dad was at work we ended up doing lots of odds and end around the house stuff like electrical stuff and plumbing stuff ; stuff that other people termed as unlady like.

when i got married my husband was amazed at the stuff i could do. the things he was brought up to think were done by males alone.

so please Jyotsana you have a big reponsibility. in your hands is some clay that God put there for a reason. dont clip her wings. Let her fly like an eagle. be the wind behind her wings. Im ever so grateful for the "freedom" our Dad let us enjoy...........but it was our Moms doing really. She was educated in the truest sense of the word.
Hannah said…
wow i like this very much.
(:
freedom, what a word..

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